June Newsletter Article...

Liar, Liar - Pants on Fire…
By Lanny Keithley

One of the things we learn early on is that we are not the center of the universe, and there are many things that we would prefer to be different than they are. Things that we think might make our lives better or more interesting. There are also times when we must explain or tell about some aspect of what we are, or did, or are planning to do. These are opportunities to embellish our positions, or even change them completely, by not telling the truth as we know it. The key phrase here, and the real topic of this article, is dealing with the “as we know it” part…

When you are a witness in a legal proceeding, you must take an oath that you will “Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth”. This phrase is trying to identify and define what “The Truth” is, but we already know what it is inside – and we all know when we haven’t told it. This is the “as we know it” part that causes us all so many problems. There are many levels and reasons to rationalize not telling the truth “as we know it”, but for the purposes of this article, any and all such instances will be called “Lies” as they have the same effect on us that we have to deal with inside.

When we are young, it is much easier to lie about all sorts of stuff and it is done by most kids on a regular basis. And, when we were caught doing it by our peers, they would usually yell out the title of this article “Liar, Liar – Pants on Fire”. Because, even at that age, they knew that you would be squirming in your pants having to deal with the lie that you told – or would get punished for it more directly.

This is still how it works for adults, but a very large portion of the punishment comes from within. If you tell a lie that ends up becoming a legal problem or involving other people that take actions against you for it, then you also have those issues to resolve. The part that we are focusing on here is what it does to you inside from a whole variety of angles and positions.

Lies can be told for almost every reason that exists including protection, preservation, power, deceit, embellishment - the list is endless. The reasons and results can range from fending off a pending disaster to thoughtless musings. What everyone needs to learn and keep in mind, is that each lie does have consequences and should be seriously considered beforehand as being necessary and worth what it will cost you.

As we have discussed before in previous articles, every thought and event in your life is stored in your computer memory and is used for each related decision you will make in the future. So, one must keep mindful of what they do, listen to, and think about.

If you have the habit of not holding great value in telling the truth, it is one of the most insidious things you can do to yourself. It is a “Habit” as many folks learned to do it very early in their lives and seldom even think about it when doing it now. It will end up destroying your feeling of self worth, will consume a growing part of your freedom, and destroy your relationships with others over time. In most cases, it is all for little or no real reason at all. We will now review each of these results in more detail, so you can get a better understanding of them and their effects on your life and well being.

Your self worth is based upon feeling good about yourself, feeling confident about your capabilities and abilities to deal with life. Usually, when a person isn’t very careful about telling the truth or being accurate about themselves and their actions, they will embellish everything in an almost thoughtless way. They make everything just a little better in their statements, even when it has little or no value to the person they are telling it to and who usually could care less about it .

But, should you allow yourself to do this, it creates an almost constant load of negative thoughts being stored in your computer memory. All of these thoughts end up storing, “I am not worthy” or “I am not good enough” memories, enforcing that you don’t like yourself as you really are, and as such, feel the need to lie to be something different or better. Then, with every future decision you make, all of those stored negative self worth memories are brought up and overwhelms the real reality of the current decision being considered.

Over time, as all these lies are being told and all the negative memories are being stored, you also have the issue of having to deal with remembering and extending all the previous lies you told to keep from being caught in your own morass. This is where it can radically limit your ability to be free or feel free. I define freedom as the time you have that you don’t feel constantly compelled to be thinking or worrying about something. You might also call it free time or relaxation.

Liars have very little, if any, freedom because they must constantly be thinking about and remembering past lies during each new situation. And, the level of their “normal lies” is in direct proportion to how much they must be concerned about each and every event in life – “What did I tell this person last time?”, “What has happened since?”, “What should be the next thing to happen in this charade?”, and the list goes on. The normal events of daily life can end up being a full time job without doing anything of value – just trying to keep up with all the lies you have told in the past.

This brings us to the last point - the destruction of relationships. Even if a liar is very good and can keep it all going, so that nobody else picks up on the charade, it is almost impossible to continue it over time. The relationship the liar will destroy first is their own self image. Actually, every liar will end up doing that, but most will also destroy other relationships they have with family, friends, acquaintances, businesses and all others along the way. No person or entity, can deal with a liar over time. A liar cannot be trusted, by definition, and will be shunned by all that figure it out. This shunning can manifest itself from just not hanging around together anymore, to legal action depending upon the extent and value involved in the deception. So, the liar must continually move on to new relationships as older ones are terminated, deepening their own dark hole of self worth.

People often do not realize that every little embellishment, or “white lie”, has any consequence at all. Each lie might not have much all by itself but people, who don’t place a high value on being truthful to themselves and others, will not stop at one little embellishment. This habit usually starts at a young age and can quickly evolve into a way of life with very serious consequences on many levels. And, is there value in it? Does anybody else really care?

On the positive side, developing the habit of always telling “The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth” will bring many rewards, and it not difficult to do at all. It’s mainly breaking the habit of not being happy with who we really are, and taking full responsible for all of our actions. The results are realizing the joy and freedom of feeling great about one’s self, of never having to worry about what we said before, and of not having to worry about someone else hearing or reading what we say. All of these things make us much happier and free our lives from much worry and concern.

It is very easy to stop being a liar. We must first realize that we are doing it and make the decision to stop. When our little “embellishment” program starts up, we must catch it and mentally say no to it. Then, tell the truth, be proud of ourselves that we did it, and relish becoming a better person each and every time. Telling lies is one of those “automatic” programs that will run from habit, if allowed. It must be consciously stopped until the new “truth” program grows to replaces it. After a short while, telling the truth will become automatic and there will be no need for embellishment. You will feel confident being you, all you, and nothing but you.

There is an old saying that “The Truth will set you free”. It is so true and well worth the effort to try. It is the path to personal freedom and happiness, and will result in having lots of good long term relationships. If it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back to your old lying ways.